comfy*cozy*crazy

Accepting

Accepting that life doesn't always go the way we want. Things change from moment to moment, and we have to adapt.

Accepting that my week, so nicely planned out on my Mickey Mouse calendar, is only a "rough draft," and I'd damned well better write things in pencil.

Accepting that kids get sick, snow falls on the driveway (lots of it), kids get sick again, and better and then sick and then better. 

Accepting that food is not the answer, but sometimes it tastes yummy, and that's okay.

Accepting that I know what's best for myself, and my body, and sometimes I just don't wanna right now. But I will.

Accepting that it will all get done, eventually, and there's no rush. Rushing things just makes more mistakes to fix and ends up making things take longer. 

Accepting that I have done something amazing. And even though I'm not done, it's still really cool to be where I am.

Accepting that there are good days and blah days. But mostly there are good days. 

Accepting that my life is mostly awesome. It's okay if once in a while I forget, because someone always reminds me.

 

So, anyway...

That's what we say when we have nothing to say, right? When there's that lag in the conversation where nobody has anything to add? 

Nothing new here. Status quo. 

Still winter. Still cold and gray. Still doing my thing.

No news is good news, I guess. 

Just didn't want to leave the old blog hanging. 

All is well.

 

 

So, here we are...

The beginning of the year is always a time for resolutions. We speak of new beginnings, fresh starts, clean slates. Erase the old, welcome the new. I'm guilty of it myself. Every year, for too many years, I finished off December with the attitude that come January 1st, everything would be different. As if the clock striking midnight would trigger some magical change within me. 

It never happened. Never. 

Too much pressure, I think. 

My change came on March 29th, 2008. The day I joined Weight Watchers. (for the 4th time, I think) I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know that it would stick, that I would make it more than 3 or 4 weeks. There was no magic. I just did it.

I tried to look back for some pictures of myself on New Year's Eve, from way back before I started Weight Watchers, but I couldn't find any. Makes total sense, I hated getting my picture taken. I mean, I love taking pictures but I couldn't stand to see myself in them. I still am not crazy about it. But I did find these pictures that were taken about a month after I started getting my stuff together. 

It was my daughter's first Communion. I couldn't find anything to wear. I refused to go shopping for a dress. I tried to hide half my body behind her. I was happy, I guess. I don't remember how much I had lost by then, maybe 6 or 7 pounds. I still don't think I knew where I was gonna go, or how long it would last.

Fast forward, New Year's Day, 2011.

Okay, so you can't see all of me in this picture, but it's not on purpose. The point is, I want more pictures of me with my kids. I asked my husband to take this picture. I had no makeup on, I wasn't dressed up and my hair wasn't done. But it didn't matter. Because I feel good. 

I didn't make any resolutions this year. I've been reading everyone's goals and plans and words. I tried to pick a word for myself. I couldn't do it. I'm tired of putting all of the pressure on myself. I know now that there isn't any magic word that is going to make things happen more easily. It's not a word or sentence that is going to help me focus. It's gonna happen when it happens. I spent alot of time this year complaining about how slowly the weight was coming off. I'm sure I wasn't 100% focused all of the time. But some still came off. I'm closer to my "goal" than I was this time last year. The truth is, the biggest part about getting the last 20 pounds off for me is that I will become a Lifetime member at Weight Watchers and won't have to pay every month. I could use that extra cash in my pocket. But otherwise I feel good about where I am and where I'm going. Nothing's changed. I'm still working on it. It'll happen when it happens. No magic necessary.

Happy New Year!

Baby, it's freakin' freezing outside.

So, I'm back. And cold. Really cold. Seems one of the side effects of losing weight is losing my built-in insulation. I never used to be cold like this. I'm seriously considering wearing those long underwear things that people who work outside in Alaska wear. 

Disney was fantastic. 

Isn't it pretty? *sigh*

We had a great time, it was chilly there, more than it usually is this time of year, but we still had fun, and I was over-prepared as usual in the packing department, so for once all of the extra clothes came in handy. And I finally got a chance to get my very own picture with my man, I mean, mouse. 

But now it's back to reality. And back to all of the craziness that is the week before Christmas. I did get some shopping done before I left, but I still have stuff to do. It's also back to Weight Watchers. Good news is, not a pound was gained on my vacation. On top of that, I came in with a 1.8 loss this last Sunday. So all is well. As long as I can get through Christmas week without over indulging I should make it to the new year without the extra 7 pounds I gained last Christmas. 

There will be no resolutions this year. I've learned that it doesn't always go as smoothly as you think. I've learned that life happens all around your plans, and sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and live it. I'm just trying not to stress out as much. (Stop laughing, I can do it, I know I can.) So for now I would like to wish all of my friends and family a very Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, Healthy and Joyous New Year. 

Stay warm. It's cold out there!

My brain is all scrambly-like...

This week is gonna be the longest, and shortest week ever. 

If you've talked to me in the last 6 months, you know that my vacation is coming up this weekend. Yes, my Disney vacation. The one I long for from the minute I leave the place until the minute the plane lands at MCO. The vacation that, when I talk about vacation, people don't even ask the destination anymore, because I am that geek-ified. I love it. Other than being cozy and warm and safe at home with my family, it is my happy place. Oh, and the kids like it too. 

That being said, the week leading up to it is always filled with way too much to do. Besides the packing, and the shopping, and the vacation-related stuff, there's always real-life stuff to do. It gets busy. And I can't keep things straight in my head.

So of course, this is the week that Weight Watchers decides to roll out its brand new plan. I knew it was coming, our leader has been talking it up for weeks. And I'm excited. But I'm BUSY! So it's just one more stressor to add to my list. 

I'll be honest, when I'm on vacation, I'm on vacation...from Weight Watchers too. (GASP!) Not in the eateverythingthatsnotnaileddown kinda way. But it's just not gonna happen. It's my one week a year that I relax and enjoy without feeling guilty.  That being said, I get a TON of walking in, and usually come back with only a tiny gain, if any. And it usually comes right off the following week. So...I'm trying. I'm getting through this week the best that I can. I'm trying to learn the program so that when I get back I'll be where I need to be and can jump right in. 

And I know that when I get back all my Weight Watcher friends will have the new plan down pat, so I'll just ask them for help...:)

See ya real soon! I'll tell Mickey you all say hello!

 

I am not a fitness blogger.

Sometimes I like to think I am. I mean, I spew on and on about how much I work out, and how I'm doing with my health quest. But truly, it's only a teeny tiny part of my life and only part of what I blog about.  It's the only part, though, that is really mine alone. My kids aren't involved. My husband, though he cheers me on and is super supportive (even when I say we are NOT going to try the new Chik-Fil-A  the night before weigh in), he's not really doing this with me. It's all me. But I'm not a fitness blogger. 

There is a community out there, in bloggy-land, however, that are. (is? I swear I got A's in English) Fitness bloggers. Some actually have made a career out if it. Some started doing it as a way to be accountable through their own journey to become healthy.  And I wanted to tell them all something.

Thank you.

The first blog I found during a time when I was hitting a Weight Watchers wall. I love blogging and reading blogs, and I just googled, "weight watchers blog" and found hers. Roni lost somewhere around 80 pounds on Weight Watchers and basically blogged her way though it. She is so honest about the good and bad, and really is the one who made me realize it doesn't have to be all or nothing. It's not gonna be perfect, but it's okay. Really. Like when I heard her say that (she does a podcast too) it was like someone smacked me in the head and I woke up. And exhaled. 

Through Roni's blog I discovered Miz. Who taught me that there is no one perfect way. Fit it in where you can. And that it's important to like who you are wherever you are in your journey. And because she also does a podcast with the fabulous Ms. Shauna, I discovered her blog and her book, which really, really inspired me. 

So, through their podcast I learned loads more, and heard about all of these other fabulous bloggers who are on their own journeys. It's where I discovered Ryan, and Julia and TJ and The Mrs. and so many more.

So I started following them on Twitter, and they so sweetly followed me back, and that's how I found Renee and Suzi and Mish, who are truly some of the most inspirational and honest people I've never met.

So me, I'm not a fitness blogger. But I like to think I'm part of their community. I follow them, I look to them for words of wisdom and encouragement and humor. I cheer them on as they continue on their own journeys. 

These are some of the people that have gotten me over the many bumps that have come up along the way. I can't say that I myself have been feeling very inspirational as of late. I've lost a total of 8 pounds since May. But I don't give up. And I want to give a big "thank you" to these people, as well as those on my blogroll over there. And there are more. So many more.

Thank you. 

It's been a month.

A freakin' month. I knew it had been awhile. It felt like a long while, actually. But a month? I just happened to peek over here to see when my last post was and lo and behold...

So what's up? 

Happenings around here...

School is obviously in full swing. Homework and projects piling up=more work for mama.

Dental work. Ugh. Stupid teeth. When there are three kids with mouthfuls to take care of, it's easy to let mama's slide. So when I got back in there, finally, I found there was much work to be done. Luckily nothing serious, just some repairs. Like 6 fillings and a crown. So we spaced them out and I had the last two done yesterday. 

Halloween. The fall here has been absolutely gorgeous, which is unusual for where I live. Chicago is notorious for it's one week long fall season. This year we were blessed with a beautiful October, and Halloween was perfect. Chilly, but not so that I couldn't bundle the kids under their costumes. 

A Purple Witch, Captain Jack Sparrow, and Toad.

That Toad costume, by the way, saved Samuel's nose from being smashed into the ground. In his rush to get up someone's driveway he stripped and fell face first. The Toad head hit the ground first, thankfully cushioning his face. He did scrape up his hands, though. But it didn't stop him. Christopher stopped after one block. When he felt had sufficient candy he was done. Madelyn has goals. To fill up the basket, twice if possible. And Samuel wanted to keep up with the big kids. It really was a nice day. I'm glad, because this was the first time Sam was really excited, and I think it lived up to his expectations. 

So now it's November. I'm exactly four weeks away from vacation. Things are moving along. I've upped my workouts a bit, although I have to say that lately I've felt more laid back in terms of the whole struggle to get to goal. It's not that I don't want to get there, I do. But mostly because I want to stop giving Weight Watchers my money. I have lots of thoughts about this lately, and I am going to write about them, as soon as I can straighten them out in my scrambly mommy brain.

I love blogging. I do. But sometimes being a mama makes my brain hurt. 

Neglectful Nellie

I've been neglectful. Of my blog, of other blogs. Of my plan. Not horrible, off the charts neglectful. I'm not buring myself in twinkies and ice cream. Just slacking. 

Yeah, that's it. I'm a slacker.

I've been working out, although since I  haven't been running, for some reason I feel like I'm not working out as hard. It's all in my head I think. I've added in a couple of extra days, upped the incline on the treadmill, and I take walks with the little guy in the mornings, too. 

But truly, I haven't been working as hard as I should. As I could. 

The scale shows it, too. Two weeks, two gains. Small, but still there. Enough to bug me. Enough that I can see it easily start to snowball. 

So yesterday, after my weigh in, I decided that it's time to climb back on the wagon. Track my food, not just in my head. Apparently, I can be forgetful, especially when it comes to pumpkin muffins and chocolate chips. 

Maybe add a little strength training, a couple of times this week. 

Clean my house. It's way too cluttered, and it's cluttering my brain.

Get back to visiting my bloggy friends, commenting on their blogs, and visiting them in Twitterland. I think I've been avoiding these things a bit too, and these are some of the things that kept me motivated. I think that I was starting to get a little resentful of everyone else's energy when my own was dwindling. 

I have a vacation coming up in two months. A vacation that I am super excited about. I know that during that week there will be no counting of points, no working out (unless you count the miles of walking we do all week) and there will likely be a small gain when I get back. This happens every year, and I'm prepared for it. I just want to get there with a clear conscious. Knowing that I've worked as hard as I could up until that week and I can relax and enjoy it without freaking out about what's gonna be waiting on the scale when I get home. It'll also make it that much easier to jump back on plan when I get back. 

So that's my plan. Gotta have a plan. 

Change of plans

Sigh.

I know, it's been too long, little blog.

But I've been oh. so. busy. Life got a little wacky when the chillies started back to school. My schedule's all funked up. I've had meetings at school, appointments and that little thing I've been trying to squeeze in called EXERCISE. 

Yeah, about that. 

So, last couple of weeks or so, I've had a nagging little ache right behind my kneecap. Nothing horrible, I mean, I'm not limping or anything. I still managed to get through my runs just fine. But I'd be sitting on the couch at the end of the day, barely awake, and my knee would just, well, ache. Just a bit. Enough to scare me. (For those who know me, it doesn't really take much. I'm well known in my circle as "the worrier") 

So I've switched back to walking on the treadmonster instead of running. And I've decided to go for 5 days a week instead of 3. And I'm just trying to be a bit more active in other ways, to kinda make up the difference. But I can't say I'm not a teensy bit bummed. I've been talking about signing up for my first actual 5K and now I'm scared. We're just gonna have to wait and see. And I HATE waiting and seeing. 

Weight wise? Well, I'm pretty much at a standstill. Still at a 75 pound loss, which is nothing to snicker at. But I've been doing my, upapound, downapound dance for a bit now, and frankly, I've had just about enough. We'll see how the change in activity will affect things for the next few weeks. I'm just done with thinking about how long it will take to get to goal. It'll take however long it will take. I'm not going back. That's all there is to it. (Sounds all determined and stuff, right? That's the point.)

In other news...

School is back in swing and the kids are alright. Except maybe for my boylie. He's having a bit of a hard time. See, in second grade they seem to forget that you are only SEVEN years old and they think they can pile on the homework like your parents have nothing better to do than park their tushies at the kitchen table and do one worksheet after another. Okay, that's a bit harsh, I suppose. The problem is, one of Christopher's big difficulties is with fine motor skills. Writing. He's not good at it, and he knows it. It's hard for him. So, with a new teacher that has to learn his limitations, it's been a rough week. Thankfully, we have a great team on his side, and we're working it out. But the stress is hitting him. He's having bad dreams, and a wee bit of separation anxiety. I am too, for that matter. I love his teachers, but sometimes I'd like to just keep him home with me and give him lots of hugs. And goldfish. 'Cause those are his favorite. 

This past week also took us to the land of cheese and, cheese. We went off to Wisconsin to see my younger brother get married. And my girlie was the flower girl. Oh how grown up she looked. 

I know, right? Beautiful. 

And it was my chance to get all fancy-like. I got to wear a dress and heels and earrings and everything. Doesn't happen often. And I have to say, this was the first time since I can remember when shopping for a dress was actually fun. I tried on tons, thanks to my fabulous sister-in-law who is now officially my personal stylist. And I really didn't hate any of them. Some were better than others. But seriously, this was the first time I didn't stress out about finding something that would fit. It was fantastic. 

 

It was awesome. I know I complain about the scale not moving, but these kinds of things make me realize the work I've been doing has paid off, and it's totally worth it. And it's totally not worth giving up now. 

Here we go...

Time to start a new school year. For two of my chillies, it means a whole new school. 

My big girl is starting middle school, 5th grade. New building, new teachers, new friends. I know she'll be fine, but she had a few night before first day jitters. 

Another big change for her (and me) is that the bus comes much earlier and her day starts over an hour earlier than it used to. Luckily, for now, she is an early riser. Me, notsomuch. 

The boylie is also starting in a new school. His special ed. program has been moved to a new building. The hardest part for me about this was that he had seemed to form some friendships at the old school. For a kid with Asperger's, this is a big deal. So I was a tad (really mucho) irked when I found out. But the new school is doing everything to make things smooth for him, and he seems pretty happy so far.  No jitters for him. 

And the little guy, luckily for both of us is staying with the same teacher this year. It's his last year of early childhood classes before Kindergarten. He's in a half day, afternoon program, so it's one less child to rush around in the morning. He was very excited to get started, and was chatting about it all morning, all the way onto the bus. I warned the bus driver.

 

As for me, well, the new schedule is tampering with my workouts a bit. I have to squeeze it in between bus pick ups, so far it's working. I've had to shave a few minutes off of my runs but for now as long as I'm getting them in it's okay. I've kind of decided that I'm gonna have to cut myself a bit of slack if I'm going to stay on course. If I make things too stressful I'm much more likely to burn out and stop altogether. 

Weigh in? Well, since hitting my 75 pound mark a few weeks ago I've kind of gotten stuck again. I'm still doing everything I'm supposed to, it just seems like things are slowing down a bit. It seems to be my pattern. Lose a little, then hover around a bit. This time I'm not stressing it. As long as I'm not way off track, I know I'm doing good things. Slow and steady.

Lots of stuff coming up in the next few weeks. Doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, haircut appointments, shopping for my brother's wedding. And there's my brother's wedding. It's in less than two weeks, up in Wisconsin. So a mini getaway for us that weekend will be nice. 

And of course, soon all the volunteer sign-up papers will be coming in, and all of my loads of free time will be going away.  No, I really don't have much free time, but whatever. Busy can be good, right? That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.